


Wildly Driven Towards Love

by Somecallmemichelle



Category: Degrassi High, Degrassi Junior High
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Determination, F/F, Gen, One Sided Love, Secret Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somecallmemichelle/pseuds/Somecallmemichelle
Summary: Liz O'Rourke can't help but feel those feelings towards her best friend, Christine "Spike" Nelson, not that she holds any rational hope of ever getting herself together with her. She can however still help her with raising her baby, Emma.(Not femmeslash)





	

Liz O’Rourke had often underwent many a cause. For the environment? Yes. For the rights of women all around the world and their non sexualization? You betcha! And tell Joey Jeremiah, the man, the legend, or whatever silly name he was calling himself now (Zit cream? Zim remedy? Something like that…) that he is a sexist bastard while she is at it  That was on the list of things she had to do. She had to ask Lucy, one of those days - Her companion in that crusade - When the time would be right…

 

  
Overall Liz considered herself a many an objective driven individual. It fit with her personality, and with her goals in life. Very few teenagers had their goals figured out at her age, but the one thing Liz knew was that whatever she ended up doing - For whatever cause it was. - She would end up making a difference in the world.

  
  


It wasn’t a particularly easy objective to achieve, if she thought about it rationally, but still all of that objective paled in comparison to what she  wanted to tell the person now. And how could it not? It was obvious, so obvious that it made the simple instructions for taking acid of your junkie friend  (One and one lesson,  _ just don’t, seriously - don’t inhale, consume or  eat it _ ,  _ trust her _ ,  right who’d have thought of that?) seem like the easiest of hardships. It was nail biting, nerve wrecking, teeth grinding, terrifyingly tough. Like raising a baby on your own.

 

Liz sighed, knowing full well that the way she felt about her friend was likely not to be reconciled with the values of her society, or even with the way such friend felt about her. It was 1989 for heaven's sake! (She didn’t really know if she considered any Lord or minor God in her life, as such the use of heaven seemed appropriate as it was non-specific enough for her goals), and her friend had a baby, which must have meant she liked boys….heck, even if for some wild claim of fate, which Liz doesn’t trust much, her friend ended up liking both girls and boys, women and men, then the chances of she going for her type - Widely and very driven individual, who cares for everything and everyone. - were almost null.

 

_ No _ \- Liz thought, bitterly as she watches Spike try to deal with the one thing that  she can’t seem to think as a mistake, the product of Shane and Spike’s not so very lovely passion. She notices that Emma - the name of the baby girl of Spike. - is throwing up a fuss, kicking the bottle of milk (Spike has stopped producing milk) to the ground. It is plastic and so it doesn’t break, but some drops can’t stop themselves but dropping to the ground. -  _ Of course -  _  And Liz rushes herself in to help Spike, that throws her a thankful glance. She lowers herself, ready to clean the milk, as Spike tries to sooth Emma in her arms. She already picked up the bottle and tries to give it back to Emma, which still cries. All the while Liz realises she really doesn’t have anything to clean up the milk.

 

So her thoughts continue to drift as she goes to get something to pick the drenched liquid with. The thoughts are running through her mind at a steady pace and that make her bite her lip. - She just  _ knows _ that if Spike sees her like that - in such a fragile state, almost crying. - she would get  worried about her. Ask her what’s wrong. And while a tiny part of Liz would like to see that. - See that the friend (oh how she dreads that word), cares, - she is aware that is one selfish desire. And that keeps her from doing anything like crying outwardly, with tears or sobs,

 

As she picks up the cloth, and gets down to the wet floor, she can’t help but wonder what exactly is the type of her dear friend. After all not a particular trait of Shane sticks up on her mind. - Well except perhaps for his recklessness. - Which Spike also shared on some occasions, though less with an almost death, and more with the pain of labor.

 

Either way, it’s, it’s clear to Liz - Perfectly, painfully so, that whatever the type, reckless or not, Spike isn’t going for her type. The very driven, somewhat radically so, individual. That, more than anything, makes her pause.

 

She doesn’t pause for long. - If she did she would be asked why she had, but it’s enough to push those thoughts away. Or at least, most of them. It’s the same motivation that pushes her to try and succeed. It makes her try and stop them.

 

“I like you” - Just doesn’t sound right coming from her mouth, at least from experiences she had with the mirror. Nondescript, non gendered confessions, lest someone she didn’t care for it, hear it. Neither does “You make me feel special”, if she is being honest, though Spike does make her feel very special. Almost as if she was hand picked from over a hundred candidates to be her best friend.

  
It’s true, she has ulterior motives to hang near, but she had the feeling that even if she didn’t, then she would keep hanging nearby. Spike just has that charisma that makes everyone want to get her. And it isn’t the (admittedly crazy) hair.

 

It is this obtrusive, wonderful, awful, divisive feeling that keeps her so near and yet so far. After all how can she confess? Are there even words to describe it? And wouldn’t it be selfish to do so? Specially when Emma has just been born? What kind of prejudice would the little pink blob, that has so steadily grown, face, if she were to be with Spike? Is it even far?  A million and one thoughts jump at Spike, making her question each thing she has. Each thing that is except for her feelings.

  
Those she is sure, are true, and are not going to change. Not a single chance of that. Though she knows of the process of symbiosis, or more accurately Protocooperation. And though she tries to hide her feelings, with the big scientific words, she knows that her relationship is just like that. Mutually beneficial - She gets to be with Spike (non romantically, but still close), Spike gets help with Emma.   
  
But there won’t be a single moment where Liz O’Rourke, the individual, will get what she really desires.

A single rage filled thought goes out to the cabinets she now eyes. If stares could melt wood...She despairs, at Shane, for being so stupid, at herself, for not being able to control her feelings, at Spike, for causing them, and even at Emma. - Emma who looks now at her, with the eyes half closed, a content smile upon her face. She who has gotten what she wants, and she who no longer is making a fuss.

  
Somehow Liz feels that her emotions will be kicking up a fuss for a long long time, but, swallowing, she tries to ignore it.

 

As she does very often.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
